To be a sannyasin feels like being a flower.. Beautiful, delicate and really fragile; celebrating every season of life.
I had been reading and listening to Osho's discourses and practicing His mediation techniques for a few years before I took Sannyas.. And it felt as if a seed was sown that moment.. My journey became more vivid, more real.
Sitting with my hands folded, wearing a white robe; I felt unworthy of so much love which was showering on me.. I felt blessed to experience immense joy for no apparent reason at all.. It was such an overwhelming feeling; as if something divine was overflowing through me and I had done nothing to deserve it.
Since then, there is a feeling of belongingness yet belonging nowhere.. Of being alone yet being guided.. A deep connection with something that am trying to understand more and more..
In the hours of unawareness, I always come across some Osho book or someone who reminds me of what I am missing. And It is always 'bang on' and is a 'wake up call'. It nourishes me to what I need the most in that moment.
For me Sannyas means being responsible for myself.. A process to discover who I really am.. Allowing myself to be more spontaneous.. More natural..
This feeling comes and goes.. Becomes strong sometimes and feeble at other times.. And I watch that too.
