A good friend of mine from Spain, Santoshi already did two silent retreats at Nisarga and when she was sharing her experiences with me on Osho’s birthday last year, I had a feeling that existence was giving me a message. Or maybe it was a kick? The kick being that now is the right time for me to go 'in'. Santoshi gave me the book "Meditation: The Art of Ecstasy" where Osho explains the structure and techniques of all meditations including silent retreat. Suddenly Osho’s words sank in: "Don't postpone. Do it now!"
January is the coldest month in Osho Nisarga. I always escape this time of the year and go to sunny Goa. But this was the first time that an urgent longing came to me, having to do this retreat now. The first challenge was for me to prepare my body for the daily routine of the retreat which started with Dynamic meditation. This meant getting up early at 6 am, taking a bath and then going for the meditation. I was surprised to see how my body adapted to this new structure and all my previous fears about the cold disappeared. Looking in, I realized that my inner being seemed to be in harmony with my body and that there was no split.
As Osho explains in the book, I did Dynamic and Kundalini meditations every day and went for long walks in the forest. Other than that, there were just silent sittings. No Osho discourses, no words, no emails, no mobiles, no TV, no music, no external stimuli. It was absolute seclusion.
I did have numerous thoughts, many voices coming loud and clear, and countless situations of my life repeating themselves as if they were real again. But in spite of this there was no depression, no anger, no sexuality, and no catharsis. It was a stable and constant energy.
Gaps of no mind happened and in Kundalini meditation I experienced amazing shaking that has never happened to me before. Nature seemed more beautiful and close to me. From my verandah I could see the fresh snow clad mountains, hear the sound of the river, witness the new arrival of winter birds in deep maroon with long blue beaks and become one with their singing and chirping. Sunny days were even more beautiful to sit outside and merge with nature. Existence was right. This was the perfect time for me to go on this journey.
Evenings were special. I would decorate my room with candles and incense which made it very sacred. With the room heater and a shawl wrapped around me it was nice and cosy. I did the silent sitting during the White Robe and the energy was just like meditating in a temple.
During the retreat I had a lot of clarity and insight about what ever negativity I had previously faced in my life. I also felt to have to thank some of my family and friends for always being there for me. Above all I felt a lot of gratitude for Osho for showing me a precious key to continue discovering my inner space.
After the 21 days of silence my re-entry in the world made me realize how vulnerable and sensitive I had become. I also felt that the effects of my journey will keep unfolding over time and that I have to slowly absorb this process as it is a much deeper and subtle phenomenon than I can comprehend.
"My sannyasins have to take life very playfully – then you can have both the worlds together. You can have the cake and eat it too. And that is a real art. This world and that, sound and silence, love and meditation, being with people, relating, and being alone. All these things have to be lived together in a kind of simultaneity; only then will you know the uttermost depth of your being and the uttermost height of your being."
- Osho, The Dhammapadda: The Way of the Buddha Vol. 2, Ch 2, Q 2
