Originally article from Viha Connection Magazine at oshoviha.org
My views on doing another 21-day retreat were mixed: a salad of trepidation, engagement, and optimism. But flying into Bangalore after the three-year gap imposed by the pandemic, there was the familiar sense of coming home, and I felt how India still offers that indefinable gentleness that a (possibly) jaded meditator like me seems to need. While doing a retreat in India is not a prerequisite, for me it’s often been where the deepest dives and most blissful moments have happened. Thank you, Osho! (He Himself spoke about this quality – almost a hidden dimension of India – that is supportive to the seeker).
Anyway, I had five weeks ahead of me in which to get un-jaded, refreshed, and possibly taste a little silence. The last four of those weeks I had planned to spend at Osho Nisarga in the 21-day retreat. First, I wanted to return to Tiru and start the hard work of “doing nothing” in the shade of Arunachala, and particularly in the Ramana Ashram. Sitting in the old hall one day (where Ramana used to spend most of his time), the relentless tide of my mind wandering went out, and in the quiet, what had been pushing me to get myself to the retreat became clear. It was all about simplicity and heart. That was the basic answer to the multitude of questions and the doubt I had been swimming around in. It would be my theme this time. A few days later, I walked into the familiar grounds of Osho Nisarga and along with 12 other retreat participants got off to a great start, limbering up for another meditation marathon.
This is not a group process. You are thrown completely back to yourself. You may be going through some internal hell of mind-y, relentless mental and emotional turmoil, while your neighbor is blissed out in the here and now. Osho mentions that this approach is very nourishing for the energy body, the pranic level of our vitality, and that much insight is possible because of it. But at first, it seems to be a journey into monotony; the usual daily props that keep us entertained and occupied fall away.
Luckily, I had got the memo about simplicity and heart at the Ramana Ashram, and that – plus a little dry humor – is what kept me cruising and even enjoying throughout the long days and nights this time around.
Twenty-one days can indeed be a very long time. In case you are planning soon to do a retreat, here’s my handy list of some fun things you could be doing to help you avoid the void, snippets from an imaginary illicit journal, if you like.
Day 5: God, has it only been 5 days? If the time passes any slower, I’ll be back in last month before the end of this thing! Day 1 was when? About a month ago?
Day 6: Line up all your vitamin and supplement bottles and read each label thoroughly. Repeat.
Day 7: Pick through every detail of those vivid weird dreams you start having. Accept that you are possibly going insane.
Day 10: Rejoice that you are halfway through the purgatory. A bright dawn awaits! (Maybe...)
Day 11: Spend at least three hours working out why that person in Dynamic irritates you so much. Realize that you now need to do Dynamic just to be able to deal with it. Create an entire screenplay of her life, in your head.
Day 12: Redesign your kitchen back home, complete with exact color tones and fabrics.
Day 14: Endlessly creative, mentally draft those hilarious comedy sketches that are begging to be written down. (Writing is avoided for the entire 21 days.)
Day 15: Blah, blah, blah...
Day 17: Aha! An elusive micro-moment of silence has happened! Stand back and await the tsunami of bliss (which fails to show up). But lunch is delicious!
Day 18. Time has by now stretched itself out like endlessly elastic strands of melted mozzarella on the giant pizza of your mind. Sit back and don’t take it seriously.
Day 19: Enjoy the several micro-moments of radiant clarity that have penetrated the dusty basements of your by now slightly less hyperactive mind palace. Then lose track of them completely while you attempt a kind of inner garage sale.
Day 20: Brace yourself and get ready to welcome back the hordes of worries, judgments, and assorted other mind-y characters that seem to have wandered off for a few days. But, fool the little buggers by moving out of your slightly less hyperactive mind palace just before they return!
Day 21: God, has it already been 21 days? It seems like I was just getting warmed up...
Not much of all that fictional journal is strictly true of course, but it does reflect some of the madness, hilarity, joyfulness, and silence that you are likely to meet if you do a 21-day meditation retreat. See you there!
