An Eternally Flowing River of Love

From Chapter 1 “Love at First Sight!”

A forthcoming event has been organised at the Degree College for Women where I have studied for one academic year. We two couples, along with Shiv, Acharya Shree’s caretaker for this visit, accompany Him there. Considering the previous years’ experience, the principal of the establishment suggests to Him to be careful and not incite the young students, for they make the professors uncomfortable by asking embarrassing questions. “My very work is to provoke the young minds to make them speculate and question the status quo, and if this is not desired by the university, I would rather cancel the talk.” Acharya Shree’s frank response leaves the principal feeling apologetic. His radical, audacious speech on women’s empowerment stirs me into a chaos, forcing me to re-think all I know... about the belief that women are inferior, one told by a male-dominated world… idealising sacrificing and submissive women like Sita thanks to obsolete religious conditioning… women must… doubt it! Challenge it! Changes always involve a revolution! He clarifies that men and women are equal, but not the same. He condemns both suppression by and imitation of men, calling the latter an ugly modernage phenomenon. Women who force themselves into competing in masculine territories become unnaturally ambitious, losing their innate grace, their strength, and often also become averse to motherhood – their indispensable contribution to humankind! He talks about the role of education to help women nurture and channel their feminine qualities; to bring care into professions such as doctors or nurses, patience into teaching, persuasiveness into sales and so forth. Muscular tenacity and logical brain will become replaceable by machines soon, but not sensitivity or the capacity to feel. He disapproves of separate colleges for men and women, for they are complementary and must learn to live together in friendship and not just in relationships! The individuality of each must flower for the world to prosper. Men can create houses, but who will fill it with love, music and joy, making it a home? He concludes by provoking women towards self-discovery, to search their identity beyond relationships. I am not the only one listening awestruck to this visionary man; the unusually packed auditorium reverberates with the student’s cheerful applause. Back from the talk, Acharya Shree asks about my baby. I am surprised that He remembered I was pregnant when I first saw Him. The very next morning, I bring along my little girl, Neenu, sleeping peacefully in my arms. He looks at her warmly. Lovingly touching her head He says, “She is my child, I will take care of her.” Assuming it to be a customary gesture typical to the Punjabi elderly, I lack the foresight to cognise that He means it.

From Chapter 4 “Sun Wind Rain”

It is the morning of June 10, 1980. I am sitting with closed eyes in Buddha Hall. ʻPiya ko khojan mein chaliʼ is the discourse series currently in progress. He reads aloud in Hindi, “The first question: Bhagwan, I am on the search for the beloved. How will the meeting happen?” He goes on to answer, “Yog Neelam, the beloved is not far… Only forgetfulness has happened, not separation... Yog Neelam, you too are where I am, you too are where Krishna is, you too are where Buddha is; there is no difference. But you are in forgetfulness, to them remembrance has come… ” He says my name again without my asking a question. Then on, each time I hear my name, I experience the present moment becoming deeper: “Neelam… I know you, I know you intimately… You are amongst the fortunate ones into whose hearts I have peeked and looked intently. This is how you would take the plunge, only with love. The truth is that you are diving in, you are coming closer to the beloved every day. Drown in love! Cry in love! Sing in love! Dance in love! Delight in love! Do what love makes you do. Be drunk in love, be crazy, be mad. This is your worship, this is your prayer; this is your path... I see your feet moving towards the temple of God each day. I am delighted… In you, each day, love is intensifying. Silence is intensifying. Your prayer is intensifying.” Later, after the discourse, Keerti appears with a mischievous grin to inform me that he had written and handed in the question in my name!

From Chapter 10 “Back to the Pavilion!”

Many sannyasins carry scars from the way the Oregon commune fell apart. Wounds induced by Sheelaʼs ruthless and nasty behaviour as well as trauma from the long list of crimes committed, run deep in many hearts. I am finding myself on the receiving end of strange defensive vibes, as if conveying that they don’t want another Indian female dictator. Of course, some angry outbursts are not so subtle! I am bagging big reactions for the smallest of things, even from those who were once my friends at the ranch. There are ample tales of Sheela using her own words as Bhagwan’s. Thus, conveying Bhagwan’s messages frequently results in meeting with resistance, mistrust, and doubts of me misquoting Bhagwan! Even Nirvano doesn’t want to come to meetings with the same doubts in her mind. Shell-shocked and entirely out of ideas, I turn to Bhagwan and narrate the whole saga. Bhagwan tenderly mentors me, “Neelam, you have patience. You will go through this difficult time.” “Is patience a positive quality?” I ask. “Yes it is. It means trust – trust in nature, trust in existence, trust in me, trust in yourself. It is your great quality. You just have to be aware that this quality is used by you not by others on you! Patience means you are not in a hurry. You are not expecting the result right now. You know deep in your heart that everything comes in its own time. Remember that it is not any sort of personal attack on you. Their reactions are coming from their past experiences. So, be patient Neelam, and handle it with love.” In the days to follow, I hear a lot more of ʻWe donʼt want any dictatorship, donʼt tell us to do this or that.ʼ Each time I remember what Bhagwan told me: “Love!” So I initiate oneon-one chats, being as empathetic as I can. But the countless tragic tales leave me not just depleted but affected enough to the point of sadness. I return to my centre of strength, Bhagwan, who shows me the way, “While listening, keep on breathing into the hara. This will create a protective aura around you and you will not get affected.” As I learn to do so, the conversations become more effective. I invite friends for tea and ask them lovingly, “I am new in this work. How would you like me to do this? What do you suggest?” And as Bhagwan said would happen, brick by brick the walls of mistrust are being restructured into bridges of love.

From Chapter 16 “Blessings of Cancer”

July 25. I am back in the Shunya Mandir facilitating the ʻGuru Purnimaʼ celebration. Participants rush to embrace me, ʻYou actually look more beautiful with short hair! It is incredible! You look so radiant, so graceful. It is obvious that the disease has left ʻyouʼ untouched, but even your body shows no trace of it. You have just returned after battling cancer for more than a year and a half, donʼt you feel like resting now? How can you feel so enthusiastic about getting back to work right away?!ʼ I appreciate their concerns, but no, it is not work for me, it is my nourishment, food for my soul. This extraordinary opportunity to be a medium of Beloved Oshoʼs work; sharing His life-transforming stories, passing on His timeless insights, facilitating His invaluable meditations… top it all with the energy of the participants, the receptivity in their eyes fuels up my own fire… profoundly fulfilling! Thank you, Osho! Thank you for this opportunity… What a ride it has been! Wow! How to share with others the beauty of this master-disciple rendezvous; untouched by the decay of bodies or passage of time, an eternally flowing river of love across lifetimes and dimensions…

Original article published in
Viha Connection Magazine
March / April 2023 Issue